Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Reasons Why We Hug

As human beings we hug to express a physical connection. There are several different reason why we hug.
We hug to give comfort after the death of a loved one.
We hug to congratulate a mother on her new born baby.
We hug to give appreciation for a gift.
We hug when we see someone after they have been gone for while.
We hug when someone gets their feelings hurt.
We hug each other as a greeting or as we are saying goodbye.
We hug to give reassurance during a difficult trial.
We hug to show affection to our boyfriend / girlfriend or spouse.
We hug before our loved one goes in for surgery.
We hug when we are happy.😀
We hug when we are sad.☹️
We hug when we feel empty inside.
We hug out of gratitude.
We hug for peace.
We hug to build our loved ones spirit.
We hug when we need a physical connection after a long day of work.
We hug at weddings.
We hug at graduations.
We hug to give compassion.
We hug to comfort.

A hug can build us up...and give us encouragement, a belonging and make us feel of value. A hug can change a mood, the environment, a person and a relationship. It can bring new light to sharing a level of affection. 

I will continue to think of other reasons why we as human beings have a desire to hug and be hugged. 
Word Origin and History for hug...In the 1560's a hug was to embrace. The noun was originally 1610's to hold in wrestling. Meaning "affectionateembrace" is from 1650s.
Can you think of reasons why we hug?

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

My Mother

 The trees dance, the airplanes fly and the sun brightens the earth that I live on. How beautiful life is...with water to use, food to consume and a place to sleep. As the days pass the memories fade of those that have once seen the trees dance, airplanes fly and the sun brighten the earth. 
Music of old brings sparks of a past that I never dreamed of wanting. The thought of my mother who tried to be a mother. She slept many days, rocked in her bed and drowned out the pain with her music. She cast out the demons with prayers in her heart that brought thoughts of only living. 
For her to sit under a tree, fly in a plane and feel the warmth of the sun that surround her. Seemed out of reach because of the sadness that brought a barrier to strong for her to break down. 
I envision my mother a sweet one at that who tried to be loving and did not require anything back, beside a smile. My grandmother's words strike a cord of unbearable pain inside her. 
To know that my mother lost out on a world filled with places to see, people to meet and dreams that never surfaced. 
Now that she is rested peaceful near my father. I wish those days of old would come back so I could use the wisdom I have now to help her reach for the dreams that died with her.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Yes I am Sentimental.

Life is what  you make of it. It's when you look for the good, even when it's not going in the direction you would of hoped for. Its when you take time to ponder on the happy moments that have slipped by.
Life is filled with trials, hopes, dreams, losses, and gains. It's filled with happy and sad moments. It's filled with struggles you never thought possible to over come.
I have been De-cluttering  and as I go through boxes that have contained my special mementos I have realized my children would never want them. They would probably look at the objects and wonder why I ever kept them. So, as remove those items from the boxes I find they bring back the trials, dreams and memories that I have kept in my heart and have molded me into the person I am today.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Two Eyes Are Better Than One

Two Eyes Are Better Than One
I always took Grandpa Spencer’s advice seriously and accepted his point of view, but once on the telephone he asked, “Oh Pamela, how can you say you miss seeing out of two eyes when you have never seen anything with your right eye?” While silence ringed, I squeezed my lips to hold back the answer. Oh, how I wanted to yell. Instead I thought it best to say it under my breath. “I know two eyes are better than one.”
I clutched the phone and took a deep breath, “Grandpa, please understand. I do know what I’m missing.” I switched my weight from one foot to the other and went on, “When people walk by me they disappear and we often bump and when I turn to say, “Sorry,” I receive a look of, “what is wrong with you?”
Grandpa still tried to persuade me. “If you have never seen out of your right eye, how can you miss vision you have never had and furthermore, how can vision in two eyes be any different than having vision in one?”
Grandpa’s question of twenty years ago still haunts me. If he only understood how I feel. I compare my blind eye to a butterfly’s broken wing. Both the broken wing and broken eye limit living life to the fullest. The butterfly can’t fly to get a complete picture of the scenery and I can’t see the world in the way others see with two eyes. I was ashamed to reveal to Grandpa that I was given the label amongst my schoolmates as the, “one eyed freak,” because my blind eye moves as it chooses.
Never will I forget my elementary PE class we were divided into two groups. I stood with my head down, feet close together. I knew the team leaders wouldn’t want me on their team. With my eyesight the way it was, I couldn’t gauge when to kick or hit the ball with a bat. All the kids knew I couldn’t score a point for the team.
Now, as an adult, I still realize not having vision in two eyes has limited my possibilities. Blind is the way God made me. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want them to understand one eye is not a complete picture of the world they see.
Is it wrong of me to feel that my glass is half empty? Is it wrong for me to want vision in two eyes? Is it wrong for me to want to see the world like everyone else?
If only we could see each other’s trials with the same eyes, same view, we would see that each of us is faced with some type of emotional, physical, social or spiritual limitation. We all desire to achieve our full potential. At least I do.
So if you meet someone like me, know they want to see the world just like you do with two eyes, because they also know, “two eyes are better than one.”

Saturday, June 11, 2016

What If ?

Have you ever had the what if syndrome come suddenly?  I have, an it makes my head spin and heart beat faster. The what if syndrome of, if only had done this or done that. If only I had remembered. If only I had let my children understand the reasoning. If only I had...the list of what if's could go on. 
As I think back to my childhood and the way life was and the way I interpreted I see hiccups of what if's. These what if's have brought frustration and I wonder why I worry about the what if's.
When I was a young girl around ten I never thought about the what if's. When I was dating I never thought about the what if's. When I was a young adult I never thought about the what if's. 
I wish I could call my mother and ask her about her what if's. Did she or my father have them? They had too.
Didn't they? 
As my favorite sayings goes that I wrote,
 "Take time to smell the roses, cause when they are gone you will wish you had."

 I remember one of my conversations with my grandfather Spencer and sharing with with him my favorite quote I wrote, taking time to smell the roses, after we had discussed having a get together. He seemed to shrugged off my quote, but he excepted the idea of having a get together. 

How many times I wish I could go back in time and repeat choices I had made. 
What if's that could turned out differently. 

Monday, August 10, 2015

Blind In One Eye Out Weighs The Negetives


1.) Accidentally bump into people.
2.) Constantly have people ask, "Move please, I need to get down that isle.
3.) When something gets in my left eye, I miss whatever is happening at the time...
 like the ending to a movie, my child or grandchild's smile and so much more.
4.) Miss bits and pieces to instructions that are verbally given with hand movements.
5.) Miss out on whatever is happening to the right of me.


I've learned over the years to be grateful for the vision in my left eye. 
I could be completely blind and unable to...

1.) Take pictures of my family.
2.) Sew clothes for my family.
3.) Drive a car.
4.) Read to my children and grandchildren.
5.) Help my children with homework.
6.) Pick out my wedding dress.
7.) Enjoy Christmas lights and fall leaves.
8.) Be aware of someones needs and help them.
9.) Clean my house.
10.) Go on hikes.
11.) Ice Skate.
12.) Cook for my family.

My list could go on with all the reasons I'm blessed to have vision in one eye. 
Sometimes I sense that I'm missing something to the right of me, 
but I tell myself that empty whole is to help me focus on 
what really matters.

Monday, July 27, 2015


I tightly clenched the phone as Mom’s voice traveled straight to my heart. “Pam, Dad won’t talk and I can’t get him to respond.” I imagined Dad stiff, unable to use his deep bass voice like he had the night before when I spoke with him. That conversation replayed in my mind as Mom spoke.
He struggled to get a breath in-between each word.
“Hi, honey, how are you?”
 “I’m great Dad. Mom wanted me to talk you into riding your scooter over to the dry cleaners to get your suit. Can you go do that Dad? I know you don’t feel well. I wish I could go get it for you, but darn, I live so far away.”
Dad took a deep extensive breath. “I feel so sick, Pamela. I can hardly breathe. But, I will get it right now.”
I could hear my mother yelling in the background. “Pamela, tell your dad he needs to get up and move around or he is going to die.”
Dad spoke with a sweet deep tone, “Pamela, I love your mother. She is so beautiful. I feel so blessed to have her. No money in the world could replace your mother.” He took another deep breath. “I’m happy to have her as my wife.” I never thought that would be our last conversation, but as Mom spoke I knew it might be.
The thought of Dad unable to talk made my drive that morning to the hospital one that helped me realize a crisis brings confusion, uncertainty, and unfamiliar feelings that can shed a different light on life. In fact, I didn’t realize how that light is the strength of the Lord that helps us endure and overcome all trials.
Unfamiliar feelings surfaced as I removed Dad’s watch and the room dimmed as I scanned his motionless body connected to tubes and wires. Was this the end for my hero, friend and father? As I rubbed his hand and brushed his white hair, I thought of how priceless he was to me. I pressed my lips against his forehead before I said my goodbyes, promising I would see him in the morning.
His cold forehead stayed on my lips as I walked out of the hospital with my husband, Mother, Brother, and his girlfriend, Rosie. I rode with Rosario to Mother’s apartment and we talked in the truck after we arrived in Mom’s parking lot. I rolled down the passenger side window and a soft, cool breeze blew in an orange blossom scent. I wanted to sit permanently in my brother’s truck and share my struggles with Rosie. Within seconds of our conversation an uneasy feeling blew in with the breeze. I sensed Satan; and saw him walking towards me in the side mirror. Unable to see out of my right blind eye, I turn my head completely to the right and there in black clothes stood a man with a gun drawn.
The gun clicked, “Give me all your money or I will kill you.” I stared into the barrel of the gun and realized I was in bottomless pit as dark as the inside of the gun. I had to think fast. The image of my father, my children and my husband gave me strength to stop him from killing me. Under my breath I spoke, “Think fast Pam.” I had no money, nothing to give, though Rosie handed the man on her side of the truck lots of money from her purse. He waved the gun and pushed it into my head. With a firm voice I said, “I have no money, please don’t kill me.”
The Lord came to my rescue and prompted me to bend over and put my purse between my legs. I thought, “Better to be shot in the bottom or back than in the head.” A still small voice said, “Call 911 in your purse and let him think you are looking for money.” I did. I called and waited until the right moment, a moment that seemed to last forever.
At that moment I knew one shot could make my body become lifeless even before Father’s, lying motionless in the hospital bed. Time stood still, the breeze became stationary, and my life was about ready to end. Paralyzing fear filled my heart and mind and I realized immediately I was doomed to die. Holding the phone to my ear for dear life, I sat up and studied his face. “Yes, he has a gun to my head and he is going to shoot me.” The darkness in his eyes pierced me with doubt, gloom and knowledge that I had been captured. When he realized I had been on the phone he fled to the car that had blocked us in our parking spot. I clutched my purse and prayed. Unsure of what would happen next, I bolted from the truck with pools of sweat exiting from me. My feet pounded the pavement, “He has a gun. He is going to shoot me.” Darkness surrounded me, but I looked forward and saw light.
Angels carried me towards the light of Mother’s apartment while unfamiliar thoughts rolled in my head. My legs turned to lead at the thought that the gunman could be hiding in the bushes ready to shoot me. Will I make it and reach the light? Under my breath, “Aim for the light in Mother’s apartment.” My thoughts turned like a pancake on a griddle; one second I believed I would make it and another second I feared dying. My unfamiliar feelings persuaded me to lose focus. I fought those negative thoughts and ran until I made it to Mother’s apartment. I collapsed on the floor with verification that God had guided me to the light.
My mind spun, my knees were weak and wobbly, and my thoughts raced to the same beat as my heart. I realized this crisis had brought me strength as I held on to my faith through this crisis. The barrel of the gun was present in my mind as I tried to calm down from the trauma. A gun is made to aim at a target. I learned that I needed to aim my heart, mind, and spirit straight, believing that God loves and cares about me. It’s okay to have unfamiliar feelings, uncertainties, and confusion because God will strengthen me if I look to Him. That night, I realized Dad and I both had a different crisis, and at the same time a belief that no money in the world could replace a loved one, especially when believing that strength from the Lord is the focal point of life.