Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Two Eyes Are Better Than One


Two Eyes Are Better Than One
I always took Grandpa Spencer’s advice seriously and accepted his point of view, but once on the telephone he asked, “Oh Pamela, how can you say you miss seeing out of two eyes when you have never seen anything with your right eye?” While silence ringed, I squeezed my lips to hold back the answer. Oh, how I wanted to yell. Instead I thought it best to say it under my breath. “I know two eyes are better than one.”
I clutched the phone and took a deep breath, “Grandpa, please understand. I do know what I’m missing.” I switched my weight from one foot to the other and went on, “When people walk by me they disappear and we often bump and when I turn to say, “Sorry,” I receive a look of, “what is wrong with you?”
Grandpa still tried to persuade me. “If you have never seen out of your right eye, how can you miss vision you have never had and furthermore, how can vision in two eyes be any different than having vision in one?”
Grandpa’s question of twenty years ago still haunts me. If he only understood how I feel. I compare my blind eye to a butterfly’s broken wing. Both the broken wing and broken eye limit living life to the fullest. The butterfly can’t fly to get a complete picture of the scenery and I can’t see the world in the way others see with two eyes. I was ashamed to reveal to Grandpa that I was given the label amongst my schoolmates as the, “one eyed freak,” because my blind eye moves as it chooses.
Never will I forget my elementary PE class we were divided into two groups. I stood with my head down, feet close together. I knew the team leaders wouldn’t want me on their team. With my eyesight the way it was, I couldn’t gauge when to kick or hit the ball with a bat. All the kids knew I couldn’t score a point for the team.
Now, as an adult, I still realize not having vision in two eyes has limited my possibilities. Blind is the way God made me. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want them to understand one eye is not a complete picture of the world they see.
Is it wrong of me to feel that my glass is half empty? Is it wrong for me to want vision in two eyes? Is it wrong for me to want to see the world like everyone else?
If only we could see each other’s trials with the same eyes, same view, we would see that each of us is faced with some type of emotional, physical, social or spiritual limitation. We all desire to achieve our full potential. At least I do.
So if you meet someone like me, know they want to see the world just like you do with two eyes, because they also know, “two eyes are better than one.”

Saturday, June 11, 2016

What If ?

Have you ever had the what if syndrome come suddenly?  I have, an it makes my head spin and heart beat faster. The what if syndrome of, if only had done this or done that. If only I had remembered. If only I had let my children understand the reasoning. If only I had...the list of what if's could go on. 
As I think back to my childhood and the way life was and the way I interpreted I see hiccups of what if's. These what if's have brought frustration and I wonder why I worry about the what if's.
When I was a young girl around ten I never thought about the what if's. When I was dating I never thought about the what if's. When I was a young adult I never thought about the what if's. 
I wish I could call my mother and ask her about her what if's. Did she or my father have them? They had too.
Didn't they? 
As my favorite sayings goes that I wrote,
 "Take time to smell the roses, cause when they are gone you will wish you had."

 I remember one of my conversations with my grandfather Spencer and sharing with with him my favorite quote I wrote, taking time to smell the roses, after we had discussed having a get together. He seemed to shrugged off my quote, but he excepted the idea of having a get together. 

How many times I wish I could go back in time and repeat choices I had made. 
What if's that could turned out differently.