Why aren't people honest?

 I see it, can you? Can you see how my right eye is different than my left? So often people tell me it's not noticeable. But to me it is. I can see it just like I can see it in this picture.  Don't tell me you can't tell the difference, because if you say you can you are not being honest with me. 

As an adult I am more aware of my visual impairment than I was as a little girl or even as a teenager. 

Why do I let it brother me? Why do I let it control how I feel about myself?

 We all have something we don't like about ourselves and my happens to be this deformed eye. 

Even though I can't see out of it I still get pain in the eye.

 Pain for something that serves no purpose in my life. 

I do feel blessed for the vision I do have. And I do appreciate that 

         I can see the world with color and not a dark canvas. 

My fault, all my fault.

There have been moments were

I wondered how I have made it 

this far in life. 

I have watched several YouTube videos

 with others who have disabilities. 

It made me realize how blessed I have been.  

I might not be able to see out of two eyes, 

but at least I can see.

I can drive, read, and write a book.

I walk without help and clean my home.

I can make dinner, sew and

 see my children and grandchildren.  

There have been moments I have wished my mother 

would of never contracted the German Measles 

while pregnant with me. 

How different would my life be. 

Would I have married who I married?

Would I have ever been a Mother, Grandmother or wife? 

My brother who is six years older than me 

told me it was hard on him too when I was born. 

He was a little boy unable to comprehend why his 

Mother was always gone at the hospital

 taking care of his sick little sister.

The little sister I don't think he wished my parents ever had. 

Then he wouldn't of had his mother gone all the time.

He wouldn't of had to sit at 

the hospital for hours waiting and waiting. 

It's my fault 

But I couldn't help it.  

Brother, I am sorry you had to endure
 the struggle

 of me being born. 

Familiar places

How many of us feel emotions stir in us when we go to a place we had been to many years before.
It can bring feelings of sadness, relief, joy and mixed emotions. It plays with the heart of how that last time you had been in that environment you felt that same feeling as before, but in a different light.

You are older, wiser, and understand the how and why reasons.

When I was young I had often gone to the hospital to see my mother when she was ill and this last week I went to a hospital like the one she was in to visit a friend. It brought memories that still haunt me. Memories that I have tried to avoid thinking about.

Memories of wanting her home instead of locked up in a building unable to be my mother. How can I grasp those thoughts and feelings now that I had as a little girl?  I still have a hard time seeing the full picture of why she was not home with me.

Why she could not braid my hair? Why she could not teach me how to apply make-up and why she was unable to teach me about womanhood?

Now that I am a mother, I see it must of been as difficult on her as it was on me.

Just to write this brings a heavy heart because I know my mother's love was locked in that building along with her emotional instabilities.

Love between two people encircles desires much more

than the sky that encircles the world.

lips touch,

Sending warmth and comfort

No words need to be spoken,

Because the two souls send

Comfort and trust as their lips connect

Eyes closed with a tight squeeze

Words unspoken of

Honey I love you.

A kiss brings peace to the heart and mind.

Rejection

Untouched

Said the little girl

As she walked down the road.

Untouched with emotions

Alone even when surrounded by people.

How often have you been surrounded by others and still felt like you were alone?  Have you ever been with a group of people and felt like you were the oddball?  As if your comments would not be important to the conversation. So, you decide to stay on the side-line and not contribute. I know for me, I will admit, often I feel like I am the outsider when I'm with a group of friends or family. When I listen to the conversation I process what they are saying and sometimes feel a need to say something, but I end up staying quiet and letting them make an opinion.
Why do we feel this way or act this way? Why do we let others action dictate how we will respond to a question or problem?
I have always felt a need to have a witness to why I said something or did something.

I wonder if its because the of the way I was brought up. Was it because the way my grandmother was or the way I was treated at school.? You know me the one eyed freak.

Why do we let others opinions about us dictate how we feel about ourselves?

Friends come and go as fast as a breeze that goes right through you.

Sometimes you wish that breeze would continue

And other times you wish it would vanish.

To take in the fresh air from a breeze you never dreamed of smelling

or to inhale a scent you wish never entered your nose.

Friends can leave a good scent of warmth and compassion

And other times can leave a odor that makes if difficult to breath.

Trying to grasp, connect, and hold that sweet breeze,

that you wish would never ever leave especially on a hot summer day. 

Friends come against the tide, the wind, and sometimes your raw emotions.

But true friends never blow you down, instead they help you stand strong against the breezes that want to knock you down.

Love never dies as the story is told.

To the ones left behind on this earthly road.

Struggles come that grab hold of the soul.

Making life trials a difficult toll.

Memories spark a thought of the dear loved ones 

What were some of the trials you faced in mortal life?

What lessons have you learned from life's trials?

If you could live your life over, what would you change about the way you dealt with your trials?

How would could you have taken better advantage of life's experiences?

Are trials are for our good. Hallelujah

My Grandma's Favorite Poem

A Quality of Mind

Age is a quality of mind-

If you have left your dreams behind,

If hope is cold,

If you no longer look ahead,

If your ambition's fires are dead,

Then you are old.

But if from life you take the best,

And if in life you keep the jest,

If love you hold,

No matter how the years go by,

No matter how the birthday's fly-

You are not old.

Sayings I have written over the years.

Dust, dust, go away and never come back any other day.   Rain, rain come today and wash out the dust that lingers all day.   I told the dust once, I have told him twice, he needs to obey or be washed out of sight.   ~Pam Reynolds ~

A mother's love is wonderful.  As any child knows.  As soft and sweet and tender as a single perfect rose.  Your love is the best of all...because it grows and grows.

One apple said to the other, after they fell from the apple tree.  

“You are one unblemished colorful apple.” The other apple said, “What really matters, is not what is on the outside, but how strong my seeds grow an apple tree.”   ~by Pamela Reynolds~

November 22, 2010

I’m thankful for my family and friends.  Thanks for generating spice in my life.   Our mortal life is a brief, but our memories are eternal.

January 30, 2013

The clock ticks slowly, the sun showers warmth, a baby giggles and a mother smiles. Time runs out, life passes us by, and the words I love you live on forever.  

Each day brings wisdom that the clock is speeding up quickly and moments together is all that matters.  Life is a priceless gift from God.

September 28, 2013

Life is too short...time slips through your fingers faster than water.

Life is priceless. Every second, hour of each day is worth more than anything I could ever purchase from a store. 

I pray I can be a light to all those around me.

Sharing love, support, and comfort.

February 16, 2017

***Each phase or sentence placed on paper encapsulates words of expression of thought, feeling, and action of a human life. 

My heart, soul and mind wonder how I was able to put back together the fragile skeleton I had buried.

Each delicate bone connected back where it belongs now gives a full canvas picture of a plausible story I once traveled on.***

July 20, 2010

“Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there”

February 27, 2011 

"Be kind, because everyone you met is fighting a heart attack."

September 2,2010

Music stirs my heart, moves the air I breathe, and charms to soothe the savage beast within me.   It resurfaces old memories, captures thoughts, and generates new ones.   Songs during my life time will continue survive after I’m passed on…to help others cope, love and endure the trials I have traveled.   What was your favorite song in your youth?  Mine was “Always and Forever” and “Wishing on a Star.”

September 3, 2013

Take time to smell the roses

Because when they are gone,

you will wish you had.

Written~Pamela Shelton. Reynolds

New Year, New Beginning, New Thoughts

I have had a desire to write more since the new year has begun. I feel a need to touch the keys and produce words that can connect with my thoughts.

There have been days that I have thought about my parents to the point I wonder if they are still living. In my heart they are. They are still a part of my life. They are still apart of who I am.

I think about my dad who worked hard to provide for our family. He might not of been able to make enough to give the material items in life my friends had, but he was able to make me smile and feel loved. I can still picture him walking in the front door after a long day of working on typewriters. How he would have to carry them from one school to another. I can still see him skating around the ice rink with a smile that spread from one ear to the other. His dimples came in full force when he did. He was truly a delightful man. Oh, how I miss him.

Then, there is my mother. A lady who carried more weight that I think she ever dreamed of. She lugged not only weight, but pain that was deeper than any ocean. She carried rejection, sorrow, guilt and lack of confidence. One thing she did not lack was giving love to others. She tried to share her love that she kept captured in her heart. One way she shared her love was by sending birthday cards to everyone. Oh how I miss her and Dad calling me on the phone and singing Happy Birthday. The days of ever sharing my thoughts and trials with her have vanished the minute she took her last breath. 

I see my children's generation, not needing the connection with their parents like I needed with mine. I wonder if they feel the need to call, visit or spend time hearing stories about their past, parents or grandparents. I think instead they are focused on other things that to me have no value of importance. I'm not into the games that are on phones, computers or social media. Actually I have stopped spending time on  Facebook and since then, I have felt a weight off of my shoulders.

The weight is the negativity, degrading comments and wonder why I have spent my valuable time looking at someone else's life when I should be focusing on mine and my families. I should be taking that precious time and working on my book, working on building relationships with my children, husband, brothers and other family members.

Well, Happy New Year, and remember life is short so take the time to let your children and parents know you love them.

My prayer is you who ever your are that is reading this has a blessed year filled with priceless memories.