Blind in One Eye

This last weekend I attended my uncle's funeral.  He was blind in the opposite eye as me.  I loved the fact he could see the world as I see it. We didn't ever have to say a word about what it was like, because we already knew.

To have someone sit on your blind side and not even know they are there until they call your name. To stand in the aisle of a store looking at a item and not realizing someone is trying to get through the aisle. To have your kids make faces at you when you can't even see them. To get something in your good and not be able to see to get it out. Ouch, I dislike that when it happens. I favor sitting edge of the table so I can see everyone at the table, I'm sure my uncle did the same thing.

Blind in one eye isn't the worst thing in the world. I have often told myself at least I can see my children's faces, write a letter, read a book, and smile when someone smiles at me. I can take pictures and look at them.

Life is a blessing, because I have realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. I had a friend in high school tell me how sorry he felt for me, because I couldn't see out of two eyes. I told him, I felt sorry for him because he didn't know how lucky he was to see out of two eyes. 

My writing is moving forward inch my inch, word by word. Stories creep in that I never thought would show their faces. Words of anger, sadness, and loneliness ring loud and clear in between the lines of sentences.  I place a shield of armor on my chest moments before the stillness stirs beneath my fingers and words flow that make my fingers dance to a rhythm my heart loves to sing. 

I Love Being Positive.

I decided a long time ago, it's not worth for me to be upset that I can't see out of my right eye. I have learned that it's better for me to focus on that fact, I can see out of my other eye. I can see the sunset, a smile grow on my childrens' faces. I can walk by myself and drive a car.  I am able to cook, clean, and help my children. I can walk into a library and pick a book off of a shelf and read it. I can take pictures of my grandson.
I know why God gives us trials.  To help us value what we do have.  I think it's better to look at glass half full, than half empty.

A little information about CRS

http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site605/mainpageS605P0.html

Why do I write?

When I write I feel a warmth as though a spark of sunshine is coming in through dark clouds.

Why I have had this strong desire to write. I guess it's because I want to share with the world my life...a life I knew I was given on purpose. 

Here is a little pargarph about me, before I took my first breath.

Seven months before her arrival, Pamela Shelton's parents, received the news from a medical professional that the German measles had infected their unborn baby girl. Doctors expressed a growing concerns as Pamela's due date approached. They grumbled that the German measles could and would cause countless physical impairments and health concerns in Pamela's life. These health concerns included blindness, hearing loss, heart murmurs, mental retardation, and mircocephaly.  Pamela's parents ignored those doctors suggesting abortion and turned their attention to their  God by praying for their daughter's safe arrival.

Do you ever feel ugly?

Does a pimple or a scar make you feel like a target for the label ugly? Do you feel whenever you walk into a room nobody can possibility feel as ugly as you feel?

Have you ever worked endlessly styling your hair and walked away from the mirror perturb that it doesn't look anything like you imagine it?

 There are so many of us that worry more about our outer appearance, than want is inside of us. It’s like a taking all your energy on decorating the outside of a cake, but not focusing on the ingredients that make the favor, texture and strength to hold the cake together.

I know for I strived to take care of my appearance, but I also tried to keep hold of my inner strength.

Each of us is worth more than we give ourselves credit for. We all can shine either through a smile, a wave and even a hello.

How can we shine?  How can we improve on our inner strength and use it to help another feel wanted. I have noticed when I reach out to others it makes me lose myself in them and my troubles seem like nothing.

I hope whoever reads this can see the value of their soul. You are beautiful  just the way you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk&ob=av2e

It's been months.

Writing my book has been a passion and desire. I crave writing like others crave chocolate.  I have edit my novel completely once with the help from a dear friend Anna and now I'm on my second round. It's been an experience I thought would be simple to do, but I have found it's painful, hard, and overwhelming.  It's like trying to climb a ladder with a ton of bricks on your back and you can't see the step to move forward.  When I look upward towards the end of the ladder I envision accomplishment. 

My reason for writing is to share with others my personal journey of different trials and to let others see we are all special with strength to overcome any obstacle that comes in our way.  Seeing the world through one eye has been sometimes a challenge and embarrassment. It's made we wonder if I mattered to others and myself.  I have wished on a million stars to wipe away these birth defects, but then I have come to realize how blessed I am.  When I hear about the German measles and parents not wanting to give their children the MMR shot it makes me sad.  I guess because I would of loved for my mother to have that shot so I wouldn't be living with this horrible disease called Congenital Rubella Syndrome.

Elizabeth a character in my book who thought nothing would turn out right.    

I often feel like I’m on a merry go round.   Each spin causes my focus to shift on what matters most and becomes less retainable. My hands wrap tightly around the bar that I hope is perfectly welded. My faith is captured somewhere deep in the middle of my soul with hope I won’t slip off and facture several bones.  How many of us feel like we are revolving down a path we never thought possible?  How many of us feel alone in the massive world we can’t keep up with?